Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
