My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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