I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm passing your future prison.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
