Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
