long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
