So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
