oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
