He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
