I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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