After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize