am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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