So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
