At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
