No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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