what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
