"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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