He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
