Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
false alarm, still single
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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