I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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