WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
