I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
