To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
