omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
