New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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