You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
