Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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