"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
