Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
