you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
