If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i out mim tonsoeep
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
