Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize