bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
