I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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