we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
