So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
