I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
