I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
