dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
