the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
