I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
