I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
