apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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