Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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