At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
