I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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