i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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