the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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