How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
