Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
