I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
