piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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