He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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