In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
