Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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