I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
