So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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