note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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