I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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