you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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