John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
