I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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