So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize