i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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