did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
