Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
