Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
