1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
