i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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