Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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