If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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