She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
