i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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