just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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