I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize