yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize