if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
