I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I could fuck to npr.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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