i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
