I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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