You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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