i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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