We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
