She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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