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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
COCAINE IS GR8
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