Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
