Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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