Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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