I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
