I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
