do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
