i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
being pregnant is like rehab
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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