isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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