Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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