ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
