You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
