this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
