Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
