found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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