It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
