Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize