I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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