the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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